Archive Anecdotage

6 Sheffield City Hall - '81

The Hall manager, Mrs Carrick, now retired, would arrange a settlement for damages after the show. The cost of broken seats etc. would be offset against the artist's fee. Paul Darwin, the promoter's representative and tour manager, having done the settlement, and joining the band for his first bev of the day, was surprised when Mrs Carrick appeared in the dressing room door, two bottles of Guinness (for the old man) peeping out of the pockets of her fur coat.

"Come with me young man!"
"What's that?" said Paul.
"Damage in the Gent's toilet; the main one in t'foyer."
"But Mrs Carrick we've already checked, it's perfect."

She beckoned with her forefinger. Paul rolled his eyes and put down his beer, "See you in a minute lads."

In the Gent's toilet..."There", she said.
Paul looked around, he was irritated by now; his professional day was over and he was looking forward to sinking a few beers.
"Well to be honest, Mrs Carrick, it's just the same as when we checked earlier. Look the roller towels are all neat and still on the wall, there's no blood or vomit, none of the mirrors are cracked. Nothing broken. I can see no visible damage. Look, twelve toilet pans in a row, neat as you like."
"Exactly", said Mrs Carrick.
"What do you mean?", moaned Paul.
"Well", she said "Those twelve toilet pans are normally surrounded by cubicles."

© Ian Gillan 1996

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