Archive Anecdotage

19 Ambulance chasers

I saw an ad in the English Daily Mail the other day...... Accident victims 'No win - no fee'. That sounds like contingency payment to me. Is England now to follow the U.S. down into the maelstrom, the legal toilet?

'Er, yes I actually did cut off my own finger but there was no visible warning on the potato I was peeling.' 'Farmer Giles, you're guilty and you will pay this whining git, I mean the plaintiff, half a million big ones.'

Thank heavens for the Wispies. Our new Masters in Brussels; the 'idiocracy' that cares, in its own very careful way, for us the 'Mediocracy' ( I don't think we're privileged enough to call ourselves Plebs any more, are we? I mean, what is there to vote for? Nice one Helmut!)

I have confidence in the Wispies; they will take away all our worries and make sure we can't hurt ourselves. They'll make sure we're not burdened with decisions of any kind. They'll make sure we all dress the same and that we all love each other (so long as there's no heterosexual hanky panky). Everyone will have their own personal ambulance which will follow them everywhere, within their allotted functional space, and every ambulance driver will travel with a lawyer; in case he's a little tardy on the old brake pedal and mows down his own charge.

Yes it's comforting to know we've got our heads down the same toilet; gives you that feeling of community, doesn't it?

Will someone please flush the damn thing and put me out of my misery.

p.s. Yes, yes I know there are female ambulance drivers. Chop off his ....... what?!

© Ian Gillan 1997

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